I used to think in my early twenties that I would either make a go of the world, let go of my black and white, good vs. bad thinking, get elbow deep into the muck of the world, or move to Vermont... read more here

An Ant in the Garden.

Peonies and Forget Me Nots

I’ve been a bit grumpy, tired, blob like, and out of necessity pared down and focused. You are likely to find me laying on the floor while our youngest Mr. ~G (17 months) does his little pivot butt motion that he has discovered gets him quickly wherever he wants or he may be using his new “traveling” powers to traverse the landscape of couches, chairs, and walls. He is getting gloriously and frighteningly close to walking. Yes, I am slowing down at 29 weeks pregnant with our 7th son as Mr. ~G is getting quite zippy!

Just getting Mr. G’s diaper changed is like running a marathon. He doesn’t want to pivot over to me as I cloyingly call to him with diaper and wipes in hand. He knows better by now, but quite frankly I am dangerously close to feeling cemented to the floor by the weight of this new child I am growing. Sometimes one of the older boys will take pity on me and bring Mr. ~G to me so I can catch a chubby leg and tackle him down till he is clean again.

Right now the smallest things take such effort. I still have over two months till this newest little fella makes his way from my belly to the world, and I just want to yell “no fair no fair!”.

With limited fuel in my tank, each day my main focus is these six kiddos, feeding them, making sure they are relatively clean, sometimes entertained, engaged in participating in the household necessities of living in our large family, and above all that they each feel uniquely and fully loved.

Many days lately all this has felt beyond me. My energy level just isn’t there. I feel a bit pathetic and think of the things I miss. I’m not going to list them here, honestly I think it would be counter productive, but there are many things as many of you know that are put aside when you have young children and/or are pregnant and I’ve had young children for 12 years now, and been pregnant for almost 7 of them.

In this quite limited sphere I have felt uninspired to write or even let one stroke of paint fall on the blank canvas that has been sitting in my studio for months now. Plans for a redesigned website for Little Lisa Studios go no farther than the planning stage and then the re-planning stage. I’m feeling stuck into a very tiny, albeit very important role.

It is in this state I have visited Facebook, normally a domain of joy and sharing, that when I feel stuck becomes something quite different. The job you busted your butt working towards, your promotion, your new degree, new job, all these great things I really want to rejoice in for you, instead make me question my life and its’ importance.

It’s not Facebook’s fault, (though it does seem easier and more pervasive than before), I did the same sort of comparison when I was 21 and had just finished college. I was ready to take on the world, or at least become the art teacher I had studied to be. Instead I substitute taught by day and worked at a local convenience store by night. It was not an easy period of time for me, I constantly felt the pressure of what “everyone else” was doing. When I finally recognized that “everyone else” was not me, I started to feel ok in my own skin again. I accepted that life sometimes takes times and my life apparently did.

How do I deal with Facebook comparing today? I try to take little breaks from checking my newsfeed, a day or two so I can truly “be” in my non virtual world and love it for what it is again before I sneak a peek into yours.

I have many many many blessings in my life. I won’t list them here, but I am certain that we all do if we care to look close enough. My blessings may not look anything like yours and vice versa…

And my challenges may not look anything thing like yours. No matter how hard I kick and scream through them, it is the challenges in my life that have forced me into the person I am today.

So I encourage us all to own our struggles, they are, though it is often hard to see, our own unique blessings. Curl the weight of those struggles like the world is your gym and biceps your soul.

Go forth each day knowing that your kind word will help that butterfly fly stronger or that tree grow taller. It doesn’t matter if that butterfly already has it all going on being able to fly or that the tree is already wicked tall and your just an ant. Be the ant!

Here Saint Therese says it way more eloquently than me:

“I understood that every flower created by Him is beautiful, that the brilliance of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not lessen the perfume of the violet or the sweet simplicity of the daisy. I understood that if all the lowly flowers wished to be roses, nature would no longer be enamelled with lovely hues. And so it is in the world of souls, Our lord’s living garden.”
― Thérèse de Lisieux

Love y’all and congratulations on all your new jobs, promotions, etc. and solidarity to you if you are feeling a bit less than and stuck, us ants are important to the garden too!

~Lisa

Bosom Buddies…

 

There is no mistaking that ~O and ~G love each other.

One of ~O’s favorite things is getting into the crib with his younger brother.  Here’s a photo of them from this morning:

IMG_1211

We took a walk a little later and for what ever reason ~O did not want to get out of the stroller when we were done.  I didn’t want to fight it, so they had snack in the stroller on the front porch instead.

There is something about this 30 second video I find so comforting.

It’s kind of like an old married couple or folks who have been friends for a very long time (if you ignore my commentary that is)…

Love at its simplest, the best kind there is.

~Lisa

Snips and Snails and Puppy Dogs Tails…

The ultrasound today confirmed it, another Laverty BOY will be coming our way this fall. In honor of all the boy boy boy oh boy boy boy boy of our household, this is what went on when we got home from picking up my oldest from track practice this afternoon: and this is what 12Continue Reading

Fresh eggs and wild violets

The babies are asleep and I have a few precious moments of peace.  I wanted to share with you a simple moment I just had.  These little bits of time nourish me for when all the busy busy inevitably starts back up. I was sitting on the back deck reading and remembered the eggs hadn’tContinue Reading

Easter Reflection – A Borrowed Heart

As I said in my previous post, it has been a challenging Lent on many fronts (in the grand scheme of things all little stuff, but challenging none the less).  Last night I attended Easter Vigil for the first time with my 10 yr. old son ~K.  He really wanted to go, it was aContinue Reading

Forecast – Sunny Weather.

I have struggled this Lent.  Not the least being an extra heaping of exhaustion plus all the taxing accompaniments being pregnant with our 7th child brings. Like for most of us this has been quite a winter weather wise, so the mild days this past weekend and near 80 degrees on Monday with the grassContinue Reading

Waiting on Spring.

  As beautiful as today is I am just aching for spring to make it to Vermont.  Clouds thick as the snow on the ground and bright blue skies. ——————————————- Our sap buckets and other riff raff are just hanging out with trees untapped.  Hopefully sometime this week we’ll put them to their use asContinue Reading

Well Loved…

Today is World Down Syndrome Day.  This post is for my 13 month old son Gus who was born with an extra copy of his 21st chromosome and has Down syndrome. Gus you are so loved by your brothers, your Dad, and me.   You have special moments with each one of us, like when yourContinue Reading

Falling down, falling down, and getting up.

It is the eve of a new year and I am thinking tonight of how imperfect I am, of how often I fail at being the person I want to be, and just how hard life in the every day living often is. We had a harrowing trip back from Massachusetts visiting family this pastContinue Reading

The Humbling Music of “ma”…

This morning I sit with 10 month old ~G playing on the floor.  He has been babbling, babababa, a couple of snorts, some dadas.  Then I hear it, “ma”. I try to encourage him and make the sign for mommy while saying “ma ma” and I smile big to let him know he is onContinue Reading

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