“BGR8FUL” – I wonder how many people this license plate touches each day? Do you ever see a license plate number or name that totally speaks to you in the moment you are in? This one was just right for my moment today…
I was driving to my 19 week ultrasound appointment. Kevin was following me in his car so he could leave straight for work after the appointment was over. We were going to find out the sex of our 6th child. The thought of a possible girl was exciting and scary, but mostly I was thinking about the baby’s health.
At our 8 week ultrasound there were some issues, I got “the talk” from one of the high risk Dr.’s about chromosonal abnormalities and if I wanted further testing etc. I declined, knowing that we would accept this baby no matter what. So this ultrasound would give us a little more info. I wasn’t nervous as much as ready in one way or another for something big.
I was listening to my favorite radio station KLOVE. It is a listener supported national station and this week is their pledge drive. Just before turning the corner to head up to the hospital the DJ’s were talking about a man named Kevin who had turned his life over to God and one of the DJ’s said “Kevin is going to heaven”. This struck me because when my husband Kevin and I first started dating, I was so thankful for this quizzical guy in my life and would say in my head in a childish way (a way I would have been embarrassed to say to him) “Kevin from heaven”.
So my ears were perked. The DJ then listed off the names of people who had just pledged to their fundraising goals and they said “Lisa and Valerie” from such and such a state. Well my moms’ name was Valerie and to hear our names together again made her feel so close. I thought about what she would have to say to me today. A lot has gone on in my life in the 13 years since she left earth. I cried a bit and then noticed the license plate of the car in front of me.
It said: BGR8FUL
It was a direct message to me I couldn’t ignore and pledged in my heart that no matter what happened in the ultrasound, I would be grateful.
The ultrasound itself was about and hour long, we found out we were having another boy (WOW) and that their is a very good chance (as in 1 in 3) that he will have Down Syndrome.
We decided to take a blood test (it’s new and very non invasive) that is 99.4 percent accurate in telling us if he truly will have Down Syndrome or not. Like knowing if this baby was a girl or boy, I just wanted a little prep time for my spirit. In 2-14 days we will have our answer pretty much definitively.
Kevin and I talked for a few minutes in the parking garage afterward. I wanted to connect with him a little about this big possibility before he left to go to work. I told him that I wanted to be excited for this new little person no matter what and that I was so very thankful that the baby didn’t have any health issues that would put him in pain (though I hope we would deal with that possibility with faith too) and that I just wanted to love this little guy, get to know him as his own individual self apart from any diagnosis, delay, or differences.
I just want to love him, trust in the path of our lives and above all be GRATEFUL for all the amazing blessings God has given to us. Part of me feels like “Shouldn’t I be crushed?, Scared?, Feel like my life is over?” and that faith is just plain crazy in this circumstance.
The peace I feel in my heart tells me it’s right though. We knew each and every birth that this was a possibility. This baby IS a blessing not matter how different he may turn out to be, and it may just be those very differences that bless us and our other boys lives the most.
I cast aside the thoughts that I am being naive and instead am living in the moment. If we take it day by day, moment by moment, year by year, then there will be no time for fear to sets its’ soul destructing talons upon us.
Will update this with the test results when we find out. Either way I am grateful for life and this new life inside.
Love Love Love
P.S. If you know my dad please don’t mention this to him. I don’t want to worry him unnecessarily. We’ll know for sure in a couple of weeks and if it is definitive then we’ll tell him. So why am I telling you? Well I want you to know my thoughts before it’s all real. I feel like they are more full of faith this way in case our blessing does not have Downs Syndrome and a reminder of faith for me if he does…