I started knitting a hat for my husband Kevin this morning.
I knit him the perfect winter hat about 4 years ago, it was made with a soft light grey wool, it was super warm and comfy, and fit perfectly. Unfortunately it got lost somehow somewhere that first season of use. I have subsequently made him two more hats. On the first try I just used some left over yarn I had in a drawer. It was a sickly peach colored acrylic blend. That hat never fit right and wasn’t very warm but Kevin kindly wore it anyway. The next attempt was a wool yarn of twisted brown and off-white. That hat was warm, a bit scratchy, too big around, and too short in length. Again he has worn it, but when he does, it never looks comfortable.
So this morning, I decided to try again. I still have enough of the warm brown and off-white wool left from his last hat and I also have some beautiful gray alpalca wool my mother in law bought for me years ago when I was going to attempt a knit vest. I found my knitting skills a bit lacking for the vest and the weight of the wool and never got very far with it. So I decided to take that soft and beautiful wool and join it with the brown and off-white warm but scratchy wool for something hopefully “just right” for my 3rd try at Kevin’s hat.
With my wool chosen and ready, I then needed to pull out the pattern for the hat AND my handy dandy beginners knitting book. EVERY TIME I decide to start knitting again, which tends to be in the fall or winter I get out this book to relearn how to knit and pearl (the two basic stitches in knitting). Somehow I always forget, though each time I pick it up quicker. There are only so many things I can keep in my head and if I don’t need the info right away, it goes into deep storage I guess…
So I’ve made this hat and succeeded once, failed twice, and now I’m trying it again. I’m really not sure it will do the trick, but I’m hopeful.
I was messaging a friend online that I hadn’t talked to in a while about faith and life and mentioned that I am pregnant and that we are expecting our 6th child in February. In response she asked me if I ever got “snippy exhausted”. I responded saying yes on the snippy and a definite yes on the exhausted. I also said when it’s all a bit much for me and I’m not my kindest I ask for forgiveness across the board -kids, husband, God, and then work on forgiving myself (which is always the hardest) and try to do better next time. I also said I go to bed early.
My point is that my goal is not to be perfect but to always allow myself the gift of trying again. To try again when I’ve succeeded and then failed, never had success, or just think I can’t do something.
Try to knit that hat again, try to speak to my kids with kindness in my voice even if I’m irritated, try to believe in myself when starting off on new adventures/businesses. I want to remember that as long as I live there is always the opportunity in one way or another to keep trying again.
That being said. Kevin, if this hat turns out a winner, DON’T LOSE IT!